With the new year comes all the crazy of wanting a new body, and new mindset, a new life… a new fill-in-the-blank, ad infinitum, ad nauseam. “This year is going to be different… and here’s how!” we say. Truthfully, I have approached many a new year with this mindset but the fact is that the more I try to shake things up… the bigger the hill to climb I place right in front of me.
So what do I do about it once I realize that?
- Admit what isn’t working
- Look at what works
- Stop trying to make what isn’t working work
- Start focusing your thought on what works (your behavior will follow)
Admit what isn’t working
This is by far the hardest part. So many times in my journey toward ideal health, I have found myself wanting to hold onto old ideas that I think I can continue to use in spite of my better judgment… and even worse, my experience. I have sat at the convenience store arguing in my head about how I can go buy a candy bar and it won’t make a difference. I have walked out of the gym thinking that I can make up for my choice to cut out early next time. The truth is that there is only one moment and we only have one shot to be honest with ourselves. I know I can no longer use food as a reward… if I decide to eat just one reward candy bar, it is impossible for me to keep focused on health. I know that when I allow myself to use food as a reward I walk, then tumble down a slippery slope of sugar-induced cravings of anything and everything within my reach, and sometimes outside of my budget. The question then arises, “Was that even a reward?” If there is a moment at the gym where I know I am cheesing… I know that I will later regret that low level demonstration of commitment. It is up to me to be accountable for my thoughts and for my choices. As soon as I have the revelation that I have been doing something that doesn’t work… I need not continue to fight windmills, wasting energy while building guilt.
Look at what works
Chances are highly likely that no matter what my endeavor may be… there are hundreds, if not thousands of those that have gone before me in the same quest. Whether it is losing weight, changing friends, changing habits, moving, or simply seeking a better job or more effective mindset. The point is… I am sure the trail has most likely already been blazed if the road is not yet paved. Here is the tough part about this, I have to actually swallow some of my pride and admit that I just might not have the best idea… I know, I know… eating candy on a diet is a very formidable foe in the mind of one who thinks he is highly intelligent. Leaving the gym early makes perfect sense to the intellectual that is thinking he is going to meet his Maker while using the elliptical… but alas, I must look elsewhere for better ideas. Trust me, they do exist.
Stop trying to make what isn’t working work
Did I say the first part was the hardest? Well, here is the hardest part to face. I have to stop trying old ideas and expecting new results. “Maybe I will go just get a regular candy bar instead of the king sized candy bar” is not a new idea. It is an old idea wrapped in new packaging. Here is the best question you can ask yourself for this part of the process:
“Am I willing to see what it would be like if I did not do this?”
If the answer is yes… STICK IT OUT! Fight like hell against all the reason, logic, defense, rationalization and empirical data that the mind can muster up and simply do it differently. Seize the moment. Although the mind may make a final cry out saying, “YOU’RE RIGHT TO DO IT THE OLD WAY” remember that we have already come to the decision that it wasn’t working, and have taken some time to consider options that work. Don’t discount your own research… and certainly don’t discount the success of others that have already paved your path.
Start focusing your thought on what works (your behavior will follow)
Here is the easiest part, but also the most demanding part. I have found that if I have even once made it through this process in any endeavor, I have begun the process of creating a foundation for a new experience. If I can successfully go into a convenience store while knowing that my intention is to lose weight… and I have seen many others that say we can’t eat candy bars while on a diet, and I am able to honestly answer the question of willingness with “yes” that I am willing to see what it would be like if I did not have the candy bar… then there is a moment of trust being built in the new experience of my body, my mindset, my life, my fill-in-the-blank. Having said experience is a huge confidence builder and often times, I can get so caught up in the victory that I actually circle back to the “reward” candy bar and there I am again.
They say that there are only two things in life that are certain, death and taxes… but I argue that there is a third, CHANGE. If you can trust that change is possible and allow yourself the vigilance in applying these ideas to your old ideas while inviting new ideas that work… you are sure to establish a framework, moment by moment of having a new you in the new year. Change is certainly possible, but if we don’t first approach it in the mind, the behavior will not be sustainable.
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